I found that this is the basic desire that we are all craving for: sweetness in our life through love and acceptance.
In the past I always envy with people who have a lover, family, and friends who accept them as they really are. I envy people who can be themselves, no matter how 'bad' it can be. Yet, their family and friends still accept them no matter what.
I found that my main frustration actually comes from myself that I cared enough what people think of me, and I felt insecurity if people would reject me, because I didn't do what people think I should do.
The society that we live in is not make things even better. We worship big achiever, but don’t recognise and appreciate the ‘working class’. We appreciate what money and fame can do, but don’t acknowledge the unnamed heroes that brighten our life.
And I stucked in that rat race.
Even until now, I often caught myself did things because I want to be appreciated. I wanted (and still want) to be accepted and loved by everyone. And that’s one big issue too: trying to make everyone loves me, which is impossible as we’ll always split the world for every decision that we made.
Maybe the things that I do aren’t in the form of wearing the latest fashion item, nor go to the most hype event.
The truth is, I have overworked myself, just because I want to be appreciated (and loved) for what I can achieved in life.
The time when I wrote this isn’t the time when I finally stop begging people’s love and appreciation. I’m just a 25 y.o. human being that (perhaps just like you) currently experiencing a life crisis and wondering what I ‘really’ wanted to do in life.
Yet, this moment, is the perfect timing to write about this, so that i can remind myself that it’s okay to feel lost sometimes; it's okay to try many different things; and it's okay to be off the track and made mistake sometimes. As later I can realise and acknowledge that I don’t need to work so hard to prove myself to others; that I don’t need to work so hard to fit into people’s ideal expectation on what I should be.
I am me.