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My Ups and Downs on Figuring out My Purpose in Life

5 Minutes Read
What is your biggest desire and goal in life that (might) make you feel overwhelmed because you wonder how you can possibly achieve that?
Few days a go, a friend of mine asked me a question: "What is your life purpose?"
That wasn't the first time I share about my life purpose to people, but I realised that I never wrote that down and weave it into a story. I guess that would be a handy thing to do: when someone ask me the same question again, I will head them over to this page :)
Get a popcorn, because you will ride a story :)
How It All Started
Since I was little, I always wanted to help people and explore the world, experiencing the unknown culture in foreign land, and most importantly, when I lay down on my bed, dying in the future, I have no regret of not contributing to humanity and didn't explore the beauty that world has to offer. 
Unfortunately, I don't come from a rich family that can help me to achieve my dream. As some of you might already know, for Indonesian financial standard, you need to be 'rich' rich to be able to travel the world: from flight expense, visa requirement, and the living cost that is much higher that the standard in developing country like Indonesia. Traveling the world is one luxurious thing.
I often found myself feeling envy with people who can travel abroad with their family for holiday, while my family and I even rarely went out for dinner together.
Therefore, I came across with the idea of pursuing career as Diplomat, as at that time, I found that's the only way for me to travel the world for free :)
Pivot Moment
As someone who has a strong will (and sometimes can be considered as stubborn), I plan my stepping stones towards my dream.
I learnt French which will be a plus point for my CV; I enrolled in International Law School so I can apply as Diplomat; I also joined AIESEC, an international student run organisation that can widen my network. Yet in my 3rd year of University, I started to felt disillusion with the idea of contributing to humanity through international diplomacy.
Don't get me wrong, I didn't mean that being a diplomat is wrong, or diplomacy is not an effective way to contribute to the world. I just felt that I can change and give impact to more lives in another way.
This shift started when I joined an NGO called Komunitas Sahabat Kota, where its main mission is to give alternative education for kids and increase their awareness with the environment that they live in.
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And that's when I realised that education is the key to sustainable change.
So there I was, on my 5th year of Uni, not graduated yet, trying to figure out whether I really need to pursue and learn more about education field.
But I believe that one door will leads to the other door.
Since I don't have formal background in education field (for e.g. uni degree as teacher), the working field in education is very limited.
Yet I was lucky enough that one international holistic school in Bali, opened a job vacancy as kindergarten school teacher.
Without any hesitation, I take the chance and applied for the job.
There's no such thing as coincidence.
After I talked with them through email, coincidently I went to Lombok for my friends wedding, and also went to Bali for a short trip.
And in that Bali holiday trip, I went to this school in Ubud to see the school and had a conversation with the headmaster.
Few days later, I received an email that they wanted me to work asap..., in Ubud! Wohooo, that was one of the most exciting thing in my life! :)
So there I was, flew to Ubud with my last savings, ready to learn new things.
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The lifestyle that I had at that time was really simple. I lived in a 500k rupiah kosan; I try to cook as much as possible and mostly veggies because it's the cheapest option; I would go to local Padang Restaurant, get a take away ayam balado and steamed cassava leaf and ate at home because I cooked rice to have less expense; and no, I usually didn't go out on weekends because I had no money.

Even though it was a simple life, I felt really wealthy from the experiences that I gain. I went to yoga class that is taught by world class teacher for donation based; I met many healers whom happily gave me a free sessions (I'm gifted with several health challenges); and above other things, I learnt that we are all teacher and student. Even little kid can be a great teacher for us.

I realised that I can't give what I don't have to the students.

After 7 months of teaching, I started to feel that teacher kindy students isn't for me. 5 days a week, 8 hour of work, and low salary, it wasn't at all a good sustainable living for me.

I can't give a vibrant-happy class, if I don't feel vibrant with my body. I can't help them to be creative, if I feel exhausted after 12 pm. And I can't help my students to reach their full potential, if I don't feel in my peak potential.

So I decided that I need to quit for my own wellbeing (and I also need to come back to Bandung to finish my f-ing law thesis. My brother even went to Ubud to gave me some *understanding* of the situation lol).

Then another door opened.

Just when I was about to quit, I met a guy named Kimmana. This meeting is purely coincidence (I will talk more about our love story in separate post :) ), and I didn't expect that it took me to where I am now.

After getting to know each other for a month, just before I left to Bandung, we decided that we wanted to meet up again, simply because we're in love (and that I don't believe in long distance relationship).

Long story short, I sucessfully finished my law thesis defense in my 7th year of uni, and I didn't know what I wanted to do at that time.

Then Kimmana offer me a job at the place where he work in Thailand as his assistance, and also to help his friend, a lovely thai lady who need help to promote her jungly bungalows.

And that was the best decision I've ever made (again).

It was pretty crazy though, as my family didn't allow me to go. But, I had such a strong pull that If I stayed in Bandung, it would kill my self slowly as I don't live my highest purpose.

And living and working in Thailand, was tough. The first few months, I had difficulty to adapt because it such a different environment to what I used to (and trust me, I'm actually pretty good on adapting and this place is like no other). The people, the lifestyle, the barefoot, the parties, the activities, the alternative healing wisdoms, it took a good few months until I can understand what people actually talking about.

I didn't understand what rolfing was, nor know much about tantra. I didn't get it why people are so fussy about glutten free, and dairy free. I never had a bodywork training, nor joined a yoga retreat. I was confused why people put so much attention to what's happening with the stars alignment. And I'm so amazed that the people are so good with juggling and other body mastery type of thing (walking on fire!).

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It was fun, until I wonder again what all of this mean?

Why I experienced this in my life, when most of Indonesian doesn't even heard anything about it?

There must be some reason for this.

After a good one year where my mind is occupied with the thought of what I should do now, I realised that I need to share the things that I learnt and experienced back to Indonesian.

The mean girl side of me.

At the beginning, the mean girl side of me always said to myself, "Who would like to hear your babble? Who are you teaching other people?"

And this thought, woah, brought me down many times.

Luckily, I have such a support system who kept encouraging and believing in me to do what I need to do.

And that's when I gave birth to my baby.

No, it's not real baby lol. It's a project that I called Urban Health Indonesia (the name will be changed soon), that Kimmana and I co-created to help and empower Indonesian to live a more holistic life.

It was such a honor for me to learnt and experienced many incredible things in the world, and this project is my offering to share all the goodness that life has offered.

Here's my purpose.

(For now) I believe if everyone in the world realised their purpose in life, and live the life they were born to do, the world would be such a better place to live where each of us collaborate and co-create such an amazing life together.

Why did I say for now? Because I also believe that in different stage of life, I might have another purpose and task to fulfil.

Until it change again, I would definitely enjoy it to the max! And hopefully, not too attach with the result :)



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PPS: Read my previous blog post here.