It feels really good to cry.
Almost two weeks a go, I had a motorbike accident. I was driving my motorbike, while suddenly there was another motorbike that turned right in front of me and cut my way.
If you haven’t drive in Bali, there’s only one rule you need to be aware of: pay attention to what’s in front of you. Which means, you don’t need to be worry on looking to the left, right, or back. You only need to worry what's in front of you.
I know this local driving rule, but that one morning wasn’t my lucky day.
I hit that motorbike, slides for couple meters and hit the ground with my headfirst.
At that time, I was on my way to a writing workshop at Ubud Writers and Readers Festival, and I don’t have much time in between. So I didn’t much time to rest nor to process the whole situation after the accident, and continue with my journey to the workshop venue.
When I arrived at the workshop venue, my body started to feel tired. The shock as well as the adrenaline rush filled out my body and I felt like I couldn’t focus and continue with the workshop. But hey, I’m not a whimp. Only scratches and bruises wouldn’t stop me.
Two weeks later, I experienced pain in my left butt. Intense pain that come up every time I walk.
After discussing with Kimmana, we know that this possibly the residue from the accident. While the scratches and bruises is already healed, the shock and the non-physical pain/suffering still left from the accident.
So couple days a go, I did a bodywork session with Kimmana. ThaiVedic Bodywork to be precise. It’s a system that Kimmana co-created, which combines Ayurveda and Thai Massage.
It was funny at the beginning because I didn’t have pants on (and only y G-String), because Kimmana will also perform moksa on my butt. It was weird, really, having your crotch exposed like that, even though the practitioner was your lover :)
But anyhow, the interesting part was when he did certain movement around my left butt (where the pain is), aaand… I started crying. Crying so loud and so bad, and during that I remember that I also said, “It’s painful…”.
The crying part only last for 10-15 seconds or so. But that was really reliving! The pain was still there after the session (nothing instant, remember), but it’s again reminded me of one thing:
“We are more than just physical being.”
This wasn’t the first time that my physical pain is actually related with some emotional/psychological/energetic pain. Everything is connected and affecting each other.
Another example of this in my experience is my scoliosis condition. I would not talk much about this (yet), but after addressing the issue/condition in emotional/psychological level, my spine has naturally getting straighter.
Today’s experience was again reminded me that it’s okay to feel sad and cry. There’s no good or bad emotion. Holding emotion back (even emotion of anger or sadness), would only result in creating disease/imbalance in another form (in my case in the form of physical pain).
The challenge now is to find a healthy way to release it, and it can be as simple as using looong… deep… breath. Although yes, some condition need professional practitioner to release it :)
I’m truly grateful that in the last couple years I’ve learnt and met many people that has helped me to release stuck emotions/mental baggage. It’s definitely not fun to hold back on heavy things, while we can actually release and lighten up our loads of life.
Always learning, always growing. Therefore I dedicate this post for everyone who has tremendously helped me to evolve and grow.
Love,
Zia
